Monday, August 31, 2015

I am going to pat myself on the back right now. LOL. Yesterday was a stressful day because someone hacked into my Walmart account and tried to make over 700.00 in purchases. It was caught thankfully but left me changing passwords for everything and now when my new card comes in, I will have more to change. However, I was still able to entertain company and serve a wonderful dinner of lasagna (frozen but I needed an easy dinner), garlic bread, salad and watermelon for desert. I was under points so I ate some crackers and pb later, still was under point but not as much. Today I am under again by quite a bit but that's okay.. It's late and I need sleep. I am just so proud that I was able to exercise discipline when it came to portion control of lasagna and garlic bread! That is a huge step for me.

Friday, August 28, 2015

I was feeling great yesterday. I had about 15 points left after dinner. All was awesome. Angel decided we should check out race car driving at the speedway. We had never been before. They had food stands which scared me. Two and half hours later we didn't buy a single food item.. awesome!!

I think I understand now what places sponsor those cars. One of them was sponsored by Buffalo Wild Wings. Angel decided we should go. Oh lovely. I was telling myself.. it will be okay. Use the phone tracker. We get there and I know we have to be home by 11 for David. I'm trying to get my phone to pop up the points for Buffalo Wild Wings.. Data is running too slow. I see the calories on the menu.. everything high calories. Angel wants wings. He wants to order the large.. umm.. honey.. that's 20 wings. Anna already ordered her own basket. 20 wings is over 2,000 calories apparently. Then right at the last minute he orders a basket of onion rings. My heart sank.. I was so hungry (15 points was left). The order took over 40 min to get to the table so David ended up meeting us there.. I immediately started telling him to eat! I had 5 wings and some onion rings. I tried to eat slow. We even had onion rings left over and I didn't touch it. I did go over points but the scale was kind to me this morning.. very kind.

While I can sit here and say man I messed up badly.. the other part of me pats myself on the back. Why do you say?? I love love love buffalo wings and onion rings. My first reaction is always to forget the diet for one night and just enjoy. That was not my mentality last night at all. So thankful.

I need to work on not worrying about Angel. He really wanted the wings with at least two sauces and I really should have just told him I was getting something else. It's not like he would be mad or something. He usually gets upset when he finds out I am holding back. Unfortunately that mindset that I need to comply to what others want was taught to me at a young age. I will admit though I think a part of me wanted the wings but he could have said we were getting something I don't care for and I would still say. Okay. Sigh.

He did ask what I wanted first and I instead asked him what he was thinking.

Also I have always found that if I feel deprived, I get angry and mean. It's a sad thing how much my emotions tie into foods. The fact that I was actually able to control myself and not feel deprived did amaze me a bit. I am sure the Lord sent David our way to help me out with that. :)

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Lesson learned.. When hubby decides at the last minute he is going on a McD run (it was 11pm) and asks you if you want something.. Don't go for a small shake (14pts). The parfait is only 4pts. I went over 4 pts yesterday. Of course it was a last minute, quick fumbling around and ww didn't have the points for their shakes and I guessed wrong. Huge difference. Funny thing is.. a bacon burger would have been lower and kept me under. Oh well. Next time, I'll know better. Glad he didn't order Pizza that late!

Monday, August 24, 2015

My plan was to keep track of the weekend regardless. We were out all day Saturday which meant breakfast out, pizza at mom's which also included brownies, chips and m&m's. I was saddened to see my mom eating 3-4 little bags of m&m's and then tell me that it wasn't much and she rarely has any. But when it came to it there I was eating the chips that were in front of me on the table. After that we took David and Ethan to On the Border. I ordered a taco salad. The one good thing I did was I could only eat half. Instead of boxing up the other half.. I just left it behind. I told myself that boxing it up would only guarantee another bad eating day.

Yesterday Ethan requested Chocolate Chip muffins and I could not refuse. I bought him pizza rolls for lunch and dinner we had burgers and fries. He left at 9pm and I broke down badly. I ended up finishing off a box of wheat thins and hummus and then went to bed. I don't think I did horribly except for maybe the muffins. I'm not sure if I should attempt to track the points this week or just start fresh today. My emotions are still a mess but I am doing my best to manage it.. especially for David's sake. He doesn't need to see me crying.

I am proud of myself for leaving the taco salad behind as well as the pizza at my mom's. There was a lot of pizza left but I just knew it didn't need to be here. For me the taco salad was a huge accomplishment (as well as the home fries that morning). I hate food waste but I managed to overcome my parents voices in my head and just leave it behind. I don't regret it at all. It was definitely a huge step for me. 

I have thought about trying to figure out the points anyways.. just so that I will have a realistic vision of what happens when I am not paying attention to what I am eating.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Out for breakfast and I'm doing something I've never done before. I'm leaving some home fries on my plate. I also made sure they didn't give me toast.

Friday, August 21, 2015

Stayed within my points today. I still have 4 points left. Let's see..
Breakfast : banana mango smoothie and 1/2 bagel with cream cheese
Lunch : Ham sandwich with lots of lettuce and tomatoes.
Dinner : nitrate free hot dogs, baked beans and brown bread.
Snack : 12 teddy grahams and 1 serving of pork rinds.
Water : 8 glasses
Definitely needed to get more fruits or veggies in. Tomorrow will be tricky because I will be on the road all day. I don't really have much to prepare and we are ordering pizza at my mom's. I am thinking just one slice and buy a salad to go with it. Praying I stay strong. It's our last day with Ethan and I know my emotions will be crazy tomorrow and Sunday.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

First day on WW.

Went to bed hungry not realizing I still had points left. Still hungry but afraid to eat until I have a plan. I know that if I had better foods planned yesterday I would not have been hungry but it's all good. I am just thrilled I was within my points. Oh it was hard. One scoop of ice cream while the family is eating 3 was torture!! Especially since they finished it off. I am definitely buying my own dairy free ice cream for next time.. no one would touch it and I could treat myself a few times a week. 

Today is a new day

Breakfast:  I have 1/2 cup of strawberry blended greek yogurt with granola, hash brown patty, 2 eggs and 1/2 nitrate free sausage link 12 pts.

What's for lunch? I'm having tuna, mayo. Sriracha, carrots, spinach and scallions in rice spring roll wraps.

Dinner : One cup rice and one cup of beef stew.

I had 16 wheat thins and 3tbs hummus for snack. Also had watermelon and a plum earlier.. I'm just hungry today. I still have 8 pts left but need to stop here.

I just found this on my ww phone app. The 1oz is for meat or cheese, cupped hand is for 1 to 2 ounces of nuts or pretzels, and the palm for meat, fish or poultry. Great visual!


Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Joining Weight Watcher's Online

This is a rough week. The girls left on Sunday and I did not immediately go back on track. I focused on work and Ethan.. and didn't even bother to shop for groceries. Angel ran out last night and got a few things. I did a quick weigh in yesterday morning and was shocked to see 353. I really truly just wanted to dig a hole and cry. It doesn't feel like I have been eating alot. We went bowling Thursday and I was in serious pain all weekend.. Just 2 games!! I feel like I am on a downhill slope going nowhere. Yesterday I got a quick thought in my head that I must really hate myself to keep giving up so easily.
Weight Watchers has been on my mind a lot since my friend, Roberta joined. I even talked to Angel about it. I have been debating the meetings.. they are 45.00 but you can go often. I have issues with group settings, and this is what has been on my mind. Am I going to pay 45.00 to sit in a group and still feel alone because I can barely hear? Will I be asked to speak? Will I actually hear the speaker during the meeting at all? After a lot of thought (Angel is pushing for the meetings) I decided to sign up now for the online for a month. Anna starts dance in 3 weeks and there are a few meetings during her class time. I can decide if I want to go to the meetings at that time and switch my account.
I need to do something and stop this roller coaster. I need genuine accountability. I need someone to call me out if I disappear which happens often. LOL. I need to start now. I will admit I was thinking counting calories is free.. but one of my main issues with counting calories is counting all the small things.. the onions, carrots, lettuce, etc in a salad... the veggies I may add to my eggs.. It gets to be a boring chore.. at least with ww I don't have to worry about those items since good fruits and veggies are 0 pts. I truly need prayers and maybe I need to find good Bible study to help me along.
Thanks for listening as I start over again. This next week will be hard emotionally since Ethan will be leaving on Sunday. I am hoping to dig in with lesson planning and focusing on healthier eating to distract me.