Monday, October 10, 2016

It's been over 3 years since I last posted here.  I have no idea what I have been doing for 3 years.  There have been a lot of changes, like leaving our house, moving into a new home.  Anna turning 15 this past year, Ethan moving to Nebraska (last year), etc.  One thing that has not changed much is the weight.  
Last August I was back up to 353 lbs.  I signed up for weight watcher meetings. I strive to go every year.  I was down to 320 but now I am around 324.  

I spoke to my doctor and told her that I think I mentally sabotage myself after dropping to 320.  Like I am fighting going lower for some strange reason.  She gave me an assignment.  She told me to add feelings to my food journal.  How I feel when I eat or chose to do a specific thing.  What do I chose to do after that? Etc.  An example is the other night when hubby requested fries to go with our steak.  He likes them fried.  Instead of choosing to bake mine, I fried the entire thing.  I felt guilty for that.  Like I should know better.. yet I still went for seconds after letting myself down already.

I plan to go back and add some posts from the start of my new journey in August 2016.  

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

I had my day planned, including my food tonight. Anna had a meeting and photo shoot and we had running around to do. We wanted to check out a place called Crown Fried Chicken. I looked up similar food for KFC and figured out what I could eat and the points. It was all good.
The last place we went was the mall to have my ring checked and buy a rolling cart. Angel said.. why don't we go to the food court instead. Anna got excited.. yay!! I smiled and said okay while my entire mind was thinking "uh oh!! What am I going to eat?"
We got to the food court and I immediately grabbed a table and pulled out my phone. The choices were Subway (ugh.. eat that way too much), Burger King (no), Dairy Queen, Chinese, Pizza Place, Sarku Japan (Angel's fave), Taco Bell and Charlie's Philly Steak. Ok.. what can I eat at Charlies??
WW mobile had no info so I found their website nutrition file. Anna is talking to me.. I am a bit frantic.. Honey, let me figure out what I am going to eat. Angel starts talking.. Give me a min.. I need to figure out what I am going to eat. I notice on the file that buffalo chicken (small) is 380 cal.. everything else appears to be closer to 700.. Ok.. going to order that (I have never ordered a small sandwich before!) I ask angel to split a fry order with me since he decides to eat there too.
I go back to my seat and figure it out with the ww calculator. Sandwich is 10 points, 1/2 fries is 5. I still have 13 points left over!!! Yay!!! I did it. Whew, that was scary. Anna says next time I need to relax. LOL.
Oh, then I find out Angel was actually going to suggest Panda Buffet. Anna was really sad about that. I am so thankful he didn't. I can't contain myself there at this time!
Now I am sitting here enjoying my watermelon.
I am 343. Officially down 10 lbs in 14 days! :)

Monday, August 31, 2015

I am going to pat myself on the back right now. LOL. Yesterday was a stressful day because someone hacked into my Walmart account and tried to make over 700.00 in purchases. It was caught thankfully but left me changing passwords for everything and now when my new card comes in, I will have more to change. However, I was still able to entertain company and serve a wonderful dinner of lasagna (frozen but I needed an easy dinner), garlic bread, salad and watermelon for desert. I was under points so I ate some crackers and pb later, still was under point but not as much. Today I am under again by quite a bit but that's okay.. It's late and I need sleep. I am just so proud that I was able to exercise discipline when it came to portion control of lasagna and garlic bread! That is a huge step for me.

Friday, August 28, 2015

I was feeling great yesterday. I had about 15 points left after dinner. All was awesome. Angel decided we should check out race car driving at the speedway. We had never been before. They had food stands which scared me. Two and half hours later we didn't buy a single food item.. awesome!!

I think I understand now what places sponsor those cars. One of them was sponsored by Buffalo Wild Wings. Angel decided we should go. Oh lovely. I was telling myself.. it will be okay. Use the phone tracker. We get there and I know we have to be home by 11 for David. I'm trying to get my phone to pop up the points for Buffalo Wild Wings.. Data is running too slow. I see the calories on the menu.. everything high calories. Angel wants wings. He wants to order the large.. umm.. honey.. that's 20 wings. Anna already ordered her own basket. 20 wings is over 2,000 calories apparently. Then right at the last minute he orders a basket of onion rings. My heart sank.. I was so hungry (15 points was left). The order took over 40 min to get to the table so David ended up meeting us there.. I immediately started telling him to eat! I had 5 wings and some onion rings. I tried to eat slow. We even had onion rings left over and I didn't touch it. I did go over points but the scale was kind to me this morning.. very kind.

While I can sit here and say man I messed up badly.. the other part of me pats myself on the back. Why do you say?? I love love love buffalo wings and onion rings. My first reaction is always to forget the diet for one night and just enjoy. That was not my mentality last night at all. So thankful.

I need to work on not worrying about Angel. He really wanted the wings with at least two sauces and I really should have just told him I was getting something else. It's not like he would be mad or something. He usually gets upset when he finds out I am holding back. Unfortunately that mindset that I need to comply to what others want was taught to me at a young age. I will admit though I think a part of me wanted the wings but he could have said we were getting something I don't care for and I would still say. Okay. Sigh.

He did ask what I wanted first and I instead asked him what he was thinking.

Also I have always found that if I feel deprived, I get angry and mean. It's a sad thing how much my emotions tie into foods. The fact that I was actually able to control myself and not feel deprived did amaze me a bit. I am sure the Lord sent David our way to help me out with that. :)

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Lesson learned.. When hubby decides at the last minute he is going on a McD run (it was 11pm) and asks you if you want something.. Don't go for a small shake (14pts). The parfait is only 4pts. I went over 4 pts yesterday. Of course it was a last minute, quick fumbling around and ww didn't have the points for their shakes and I guessed wrong. Huge difference. Funny thing is.. a bacon burger would have been lower and kept me under. Oh well. Next time, I'll know better. Glad he didn't order Pizza that late!

Monday, August 24, 2015

My plan was to keep track of the weekend regardless. We were out all day Saturday which meant breakfast out, pizza at mom's which also included brownies, chips and m&m's. I was saddened to see my mom eating 3-4 little bags of m&m's and then tell me that it wasn't much and she rarely has any. But when it came to it there I was eating the chips that were in front of me on the table. After that we took David and Ethan to On the Border. I ordered a taco salad. The one good thing I did was I could only eat half. Instead of boxing up the other half.. I just left it behind. I told myself that boxing it up would only guarantee another bad eating day.

Yesterday Ethan requested Chocolate Chip muffins and I could not refuse. I bought him pizza rolls for lunch and dinner we had burgers and fries. He left at 9pm and I broke down badly. I ended up finishing off a box of wheat thins and hummus and then went to bed. I don't think I did horribly except for maybe the muffins. I'm not sure if I should attempt to track the points this week or just start fresh today. My emotions are still a mess but I am doing my best to manage it.. especially for David's sake. He doesn't need to see me crying.

I am proud of myself for leaving the taco salad behind as well as the pizza at my mom's. There was a lot of pizza left but I just knew it didn't need to be here. For me the taco salad was a huge accomplishment (as well as the home fries that morning). I hate food waste but I managed to overcome my parents voices in my head and just leave it behind. I don't regret it at all. It was definitely a huge step for me. 

I have thought about trying to figure out the points anyways.. just so that I will have a realistic vision of what happens when I am not paying attention to what I am eating.